Tell her she can't have a vagina
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize