So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
