I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
