we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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