Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
