The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
