that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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