i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
