First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
high people should be assigned attendants
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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