Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you didnt know i had herpes?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
