Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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