i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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