i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
