Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize