Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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