I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
