Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
