if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
