I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
