ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
