So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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