So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
