Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize