I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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