I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize