my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
high people should be assigned attendants
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
