i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
