just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
