I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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