I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
