Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
