What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
