I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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