My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
