she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
