Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
