dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
