Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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