I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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