she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
