4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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