the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
