my vag is so smooth its legendary
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
