The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
