How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
