I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Randomize
