We got so high we made milksteak
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
