You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wanna go halves on a baby?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
