I puked a lego.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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