i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize