i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
