Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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