i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
