Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
