Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
