how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
