why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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