I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
