umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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