You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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