Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
