I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need moral support for this bender
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
