i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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