mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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