I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
