I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize