You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize