Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
