She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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