your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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